rain of god, by victor villasenor

"good, i like what i hear so far," said dona margarita. "but i want to warn you, mi hijito, that these sound like very good, honest, god-fearing people and so we're going to have to put our heads together and fiugre out a campain so you'll be able to win this girl's hand in marriage. you can't just go around tricking honest poeple with movie tickets, mi hijito. you got to give honest poeple what it is they want."
"how?" aksed salvador, getting defensive. "by telling her mother the truth: that i'm a gambling man and i don't just drink liquor, i manufacture it, too?"
"of course not, mi hijito," said his mother calmly. "honest, god-fearing people don't want to hear the truth. they want you to lie to them."
"mama!" snapped luisa, glancing up at the towering church. "please, watch what you say! we're on the steps of the holy house of god!"
"so," said their mother, full of mischief, "do you really think that if we weren't on these steps the almighty couldn't hear us?"
"oh, mama, please," said luisa, getting more nervous by the moment, "don't talk like this," she pleaded, making the sign of the cross over herself, hoping that they wouldn't get struck down by lightning.
"oh, mi hijita, you woman of such little faith! god respects my honesty that i admit that i lie. he's a hundred thousand years tired of people preaching the truth in his home, but then lying to all the world once they get away from the shadow of his domain!"
"mama, stop it!" said luisa. "i'm beggin you, you're right, i know! but couldn't we just get off the steps and talk across the street?"
she looked so genuinely frightened, staring wide-eyed at the church, that dona margarita began to laugh.
"all right, if that will please you, lusia," said their mother, "but keep in mind that lying and tricking are the very foundation of love and courtship! like you, what did you do, mi hijita, when you went after epitacio to marry you and you were big with child? you lied, you used every form of trickery that we've learned since eve tempted adam, and maria told joseph that god had visited her."
"dear god, please don't listen to her!" shouted luisa. "she doesn't know what she says, dear god! i didn't really lie! no, i just kind of, well, didn't tell the whole truth."
"exactly!" said dona margarita. "and those are the best kind of lies! always keep close to the truth, mi hijito, so in case you're caught ankle-deep in you own caca, you can crawl out."
"oh, mama!" screamed luisa, rushing off the church steps as fast as she could go. "your'e just awful!"
seeing his sister flee, salvador burst out laughing. taking his mother's arm, they went across the street.